Driving. Like taxes and that rash you got from the hooker your dad took you to when you were “becoming a man” , it is fact of American life. And like that rash, driving can be an annoying and often times maddening experience.

We drive for a number of reasons. For pleasure. Out of necessity. To rape the environment. Whatever the reason for driving, it is such an integral part of our lives that, unless you are Amish, not a day goes by without getting behind the wheel and putting the rubber to the road.

This project, Get Out of the Left Lane: An Idiot’s Guide to Driving in America has long been on my brain. I have found myself, through my other writing endeavors, constantly coming back to the topic of motor vehicle navigation. Rather than be viewed as one of those people who is constantly mixing other topics with complaints about a certain subject, I thought it might be wise (and less irritating) to consolidate all of my driving-related thoughts and bring to you a comprehensive guide regarding the rules of the road…or rather, the rules as I see them.

Let me end this foreword by laying out a few items that will not only cover my ass from a legal perspective, but will also set reasonable expectations for what you are about to read. First and quite possibly  most importantly, I am not a driving expert. The advice I will give to you, the reader, is meant for entertainment purposes only and is not meant to serve as a substitute for driving lessons. Second, while I will refer to other drivers as “idiots” (among other things) throughout, I will be the first to admit that I too am an idiot behind the wheel and do not view myself as a superior driver. I am, however, a superior idiot and will treat myself as such. Finally, if I offend any of you during the course of this project, I am not sorry. There is a reason why American drivers are viewed as idiots and I will do my best to illustrates the reasons as to why in an effort to (hopefully) improve your driving and lessen the chances that those around you will one day torch your car and incapacitate you in order to prevent you from getting behind the wheel.

Without further ado…put on your best fingertip-less driving gloves and grab hold of the wheel. Welcome to the land of idiots.

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